Billal's Facebook Etiquette 101

We’re not animals! This isn’t fucking My Space! On facebook there are certain rules of etiquette you must conduct yourself with.

1. The “Like” button. There are only 2 scenarios where you can click “like” and that is for something positive, or something neutral. You CANNOT click “like” for something negative. For example if your friend has the following message:

“God, I’m so sad, my grandmother just died”

And while we’re on the subject, if you must give your condolences on facebook, do so without one of these “: (”

2. If you are a guy, stop taking pictures of yourself in the mirror with your shirt off. Girls might not know it, but every guy knows you’re flexing as hard as you possibly can, and that you really don’t look like that.

3. If you’re a girl…or guy? You are not allowed to comment that you “hate” your picture of yourself. You know why? BECAUSE YOU POSTED IT! If you don’t like it, then take it down. Stop fishing for compliments.

4. If you are a brown guy, and you just got your beard done, you are only allowed to take 2 pictures of the side of your face MAX!

5. If you have a facebook account that you use regularly, you must have at least ONE picture of yourself, just so I know who it is that’s added me.

6. USE YOUR REAL NAME or at least something close. Save your street name for the streetz you internet gangster! If your name is “Billal Sarwar” – I don’t want to see your facebook name say, “Mad-Billzzz Getzhoes”

7. You are only allowed ONE picture with yourself holding a bottle of alcohol. WE GET IT! You party, and like to drink, or at least that’s the way you would like to be perceived. This rule does not apply to you if you work at LCBO, the Beer Store, or if you are indeed an alcoholic.

8. Stop taking pictures with money, it’s not “gangster” and I’ll explain why. Let’s say you work at McDonalds and make about $10/hour, and you work a 40 hour week for 25 days. By the end of the month you will have made approximately $2000, or in facebook terms, 100 twenty dollar bills. That earning rate is pocket change to anyone earning real money. Bottom line is, if you want to impress me with your money on facebook, I want to see your pay check.

9. If you have a public profile, and you accept just about anyone who sends a friend request, you don’t get to say, “I have a facebook stalker problem” What you actually have is a “you`re an idiot problem”. Privacy settings are there for a reason.

10. If you are Asian, you are allowed only ONE picture of yourself alone where you are throwing up the peace sign. You are, however, allowed to do it as much as you like when  in group because, from what I understand, that’s just how you guys roll.

11. Stop using Farmville! You’re pissing every one off, and your making the baby Jesus cry.

12. Photoshop is like makeup We can all tell when you’ve over done it.

Twitter: iambillal