An Interview with Indian Cougar Rita Sangha
“The way a young man pursues you is very addictive. Yes, his eagerness in wanting you, and looking up to you….his zest… inexperience… and desire all make a heady mix for the older, more experienced, wiser woman.”- Rita Sangha
My Cougar Camp is for women who are either cougars and want to meet like minded women or, “wannabe cougars” i.e. women who would like to try dating a younger man out of curiosity/desire. I offer a full program right from do’s and don’ts to the makeover. I also cover what these women will encounter on their journey, and whether the cougar lifestyle is really for them!
Interesting, but I wonder what kind of response your “cougar camp” gets from the South Asian community.
Well, South Asian women HAVE approached me to say that they’ve dated younger men or would like too. The South Asian women that are dating younger men are proud of the fact that a Punjabi woman is leading the way. They see me as a role model for empowering like minded women too afraid to go public. And of course, young South Asian guys are always saying things like, “Rita, please help me find a cougar”
What about the older South Asian community? How do they feel? They can be quite conservative.
Well of course they’re bound to be; I never did this to appease my community.
Anything other than marriage and professional career is no go in our community. To them it isn’t good to push boundaries, and this is what I most enjoy doing. I find that I do not align myself with the South Asian community because of my broad views. I have grown to become my own individual person, and not a “sheep” of which there are so many in our community. I enjoy the person I have become and what I represent. It is not easy to stand out from the crowd, but it is what I have chosen, and it is a shame that it has to be this way.
You said in an interview that at 17 your family tried to talk you into an arranged marriage. Could you discuss that experience and how you feel it affected you?
I am from a very traditional, and quite strict Punjabi background. And whether that had a bearing on the level to which I rebelled, I cannot say, but probably. I was an intelligent, bright young woman who knew that she wanted to experience. I coach plenty of people who live to regret making life decisions to appease others. It results in nothing but frustration in the end. It is, essentially, the selling of ones soul in my eyes. I have zero regrets, and would do it all again.
For all the young gentlemen out there (umm…not me) who don’t know, how do you succeed with a cougar?
The younger men that do well with older women are generally more cultured and emotionally intelligent. But, older guys can be just as insensitive believe me! It comes down to individuals, and their life experience. I have to say that the maturity levels in our South Asian guys is low, at least in most of my experiences. This is partly because we are not encouraged to be individuals in our own right, and we are taught to follow norms of conformity. This stifles both self expression and creativity.
What is it that makes younger men more appealing than older men, other than looks and sex?
Well, one reason is that they don’t try to control you, and they are more in awe of your success rather than resentful. It’s easier for them to accept your success or achievements. Older guys don’t like high achieving women, or women who are independent; they like to be the boss. Of course, there are exceptions to that rule. But, it’s hard being a successful South Asian woman, and for a guy of my generation to accept that you have your own mind. They may start off being impressed, but in the end they want to knock it out of you. A lot of personal experience there I’m sorry to say.
Personally, I think it depends on when the parents came over i.e.the people who came straight from villages in the 60′s and 70′s seem to be the worst culprits. They’re afraid of losing their identities, so they pass on their misguided attitudes to their sons. It has a lot to do with education. Rarely do you find educated families with narrow minds. They are better read and informed, but that applies to all cultures of course.
There are a lot of good looking older men, Brad Pitt; 47, George Clooney ; 49, Shah Rukh Khan; 45… I could go on naming, but apparently due to some unwritten rule, at some point my sexuality gets called into question. The point is don’t older men have any redeeming qualities?
Guess that’s what they call a boy crush in a non-sexual way…lol
Yes, of course they do have the benefit of their life experience. They are better at handling women emotionally, and of course they have more experience in the bedroom…so yea, they have their qualities which some women really like. But, I have to say these men are rare i.e. good looking and still good in the sack in their late 40′s and 50′s. Looks are important. And of course you will ask why? It’s because looks show how much a person takes care of themselves, and that is a very attractive quality.
I’ve been talking to my friends, guys and girls, and they would like to know how you manage to stay so hot? Are you born with it? Or is it Maybelline?
Well thanks! Maybelline of course. Although, I have to say my Mom is in her 60′s and she has not got a single wrinkle, so I’m a lucky lady. But, I also feel my looks reflect my youthful “anything is possible” attitude and love of life. I love my life and am living my dream. But of course I do indulge in a bit of botox, not much, and whatever else I can get my hands on. A fitness regime helps as does being tee total.
Vanity bordering on narcissism is a shallow concept and is spotted easily. Those types of people are fragile inside and rely on their looks alone to get them through. A folly.
What is your message to women as a life coach, particularly South Asian women?
I think its key as women we try and develop a sense of our own identity, and allow ourselves to express who we truly are even in the face of our communities, families etc. We offer a better future to our daughters, and sons in this way. And to the South Asian Guys, dare to be adventurous, try new things, and step outside of the views created of women in our culture. Embrace the good in our culture with the good in the west!